Psychology says if you really want to be more likable, avoid bringing up these 9 topics in conversation

Being likable isn't about manipulating or pretending. It's about genuine connection. Psychology gives us a helping hand here, suggesting some topics we should steer clear of if we want to make a good impression.

It's a simple notion - there are just certain subjects that can make conversations awkward, or worse, polarizing. By avoiding these topics, we open the door for more engaging, pleasant dialogue.

In this article, we'll delve into the 9 topics psychology says to avoid for more likable conversations. Let's get started!

1) Politics

Let's start with a classic - politics. In an age where political discourse can be polarizing and contentious, bringing this topic up in conversation can be a quick way to turn someone off.

As the renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves".

This is particularly true in the case of politics. Our political beliefs can often reflect our deepest values and ideologies, making them a hotbed for potential conflict.

The beauty of conversation lies in its ability to foster connection and understanding, not division. So, if your goal is to be more likable, it might be a good idea to steer clear of politics, at least in casual conversation.

Remember, there's a time and place for every discussion. But you're less likely to ruffle feathers if you focus on shared interests and experiences instead of diving into contentious topics right off the bat.

2) Personal achievements

Here's a story from my own life. In my early twenties, I ran a marathon without any prior running experience. I was so proud of that accomplishment, I couldn't help but bring it up in nearly every conversation I had.

But it wasn't until a close friend gently pointed it out that I realized how excessive it was. Constantly talking about my achievements was coming off as bragging and not very likable at all.

As the great psychologist Sigmund Freud said, "A man should not strive to eliminate his complexes but to get into accord with them". This applies to our conversations too.

We all have achievements we're proud of, but it's important to balance our need to share them with the understanding that not everyone wants to hear about our triumphs all the time.

Being likable is often about finding the delicate balance between sharing about ourselves and showing genuine interest in others. So next time you're chatting with someone, try to find out more about them instead of focusing too much on your own achievements.

3) Gossip

It's a hard truth, but we've all been guilty of gossiping at some point. While it can feel momentarily thrilling to share juicy tidbits about others, it's a habit that can quickly tarnish our likability.

Gossiping erodes trust and creates a negative environment filled with judgment and speculation.

When we engage in gossip, we're sending out a signal that we might do the same about the person we're talking to. It's a surefire way to make someone uncomfortable around us.

Let's be honest - it's not easy to completely avoid gossip. But being aware of its impact on our likability is the first step towards changing our habits. So let's strive to talk about ideas, not people.

4) Your exes

Discussing past relationships is a slippery slope. I've found myself in situations where I've overshared about my ex, thinking it might help the other person understand me better. But, in hindsight, it only led to creating unnecessary discomfort.

Talking about your exes can give the impression that you're not over them or that you're comparing the person you're talking to with your ex. It's a topic that's best avoided if you're aiming to be more likable in conversation.

Instead, focus on the present moment and the person you're speaking to. There's a whole world of topics to explore that can strengthen your connection without bringing up past baggage.

5) Money

Money is a strange subject. It's something we all need, use, and think about, yet discussing it can be surprisingly off-putting.

In his book "Drive", psychologist Daniel Pink points out that "The best use of money as a motivator is to pay people enough to take the issue of money off the table."

This applies to conversations too. Discussing salaries, debts, or financial achievements can create discomfort and even breed resentment.

It might seem counterintuitive. After all, isn't money a universal topic? Yes, but it's also a very personal one that's tied to people's sense of self-worth and security. Talking about it can inadvertently lead to comparisons and competition.

Try talking about passions, interests, or shared experiences. These can create a sense of connection and mutual understanding without stepping on any toes.

6) Negative personal experiences

We all have our fair share of negative experiences. While it's important to acknowledge them, consistently bringing them up in conversation can be a downer and make you less likable.

Dwelling on negative experiences can keep us stuck in the past and prevent us from forming positive connections with others.

By all means, share your life experiences. But try to focus on the lessons learned and how they've shaped you rather than dwelling on the negativity.

Remember, every conversation is an opportunity to grow and build relationships, don't let past negative experiences hinder that.

7) Health issues

Here's something I've learned the hard way: constantly discussing health issues can be a conversation killer. I once had a minor health scare and found myself bringing it up often, not realizing it was making others uncomfortable.

As psychologist Albert Ellis said, "The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own."

While it's okay to share about significant health concerns, turning each conversation into a detailed discussion of your ailments can be off-putting.

Conversations should ideally leave both parties feeling better. So, while it's important to be honest about our lives, focusing too much on health issues can cast a shadow over otherwise enjoyable interaction. Let's aim to uplift, not bring down, our conversations.

8) Criticisms

This one's a bit raw, but it needs to be said - nobody likes a critic. Constantly criticizing others, whether it's their choices, appearance, or ideas, is a surefire way to make yourself less likable.

You see, criticizing others doesn't lead to growth or change. It only creates defensiveness and discomfort.

Being more likable often means being more understanding and accepting of others' differences.

It's time to understand where the other person is coming from. Constructive feedback is okay, but constant criticism can turn any conversation sour.

9) Work rants

I'll admit it, I've been guilty of this one. After a long, stressful day at work, I've found myself unloading all my frustrations onto anyone willing to listen. But over time, I realized that this constant venting was making me less likable.

Renowned psychologist William James once said, "The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another."

This applies to our conversations too. Constantly complaining about work not only brings negativity into the conversation but also paints us as people who dwell on the negative.

We all have tough days at work, and it's completely okay to vent sometimes. But if every conversation becomes a work rant, it can make you less appealing to talk to.

You can start focusing on the positive aspects of your job or discuss shared interests outside of work. You might find your conversations becoming more enjoyable and you becoming more likable.