Nigerian writer, Ese Walter shares her story, recounting her alleged involvement with Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo while opening up on the manipulation, shame, healing, and forgiveness.
The conversation surfaced during an unexpected encounter with a woman who had also been involved with Fatoyinbo.
Walter, who had previously spoken out about her experience in 2013, described how she was initially charmed by Fatoyinbo during her attendance at his church, COZA.
Reflecting on her upbringing, she noted how deep-seated cultural reverence for pastors made her vulnerable. In her words, she had been "programmed to fear pastors" and believed in their moral infallibility. This background, she says, intensified her disillusionment when she later confronted her experience.
Over the years, Walter has had to grapple with guilt and anger, sharing how her attempts to confide in other pastors were met with scepticism.
Years later, however, Walter is now choosing a different path. Reflecting on her emotional journey, she says she's releasing any resentment toward Fatoyinbo, acknowledging that the experience shaped her but does not define her.
In a moment of clarity, she opted out of participating in a #SurvivingBiodun documentary, realizing that continuing to revisit the trauma no longer served her.
Walter concluded her story in a Facebook post with a sense of liberation and personal growth, acknowledging her strength and resilience, saying, "I am nobody's victim."
Ese Walter recounts alleged experience With Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo
"On My Coza Experience And Releasing Biodun Fatoyinbo 🔥🔥🔥
Yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with this beautiful lady.
She had picked interest in me since we were introduced last year, I was about to find out why.After trying to set up dates to "talk" which we never got around to, we met at a mutual friends event and she got the chance to engage me.
Only I wasn't expecting the conversation she wanted to have.Her - I dated Biodun Fatoyinbo for 2 years shortly before he became sick.
Me - Silence*
I didn't know how to respond to this information. Like, what do you say to that? 😏
She proceeds to show me their Whatsapp chat. Maybe to validate claims and then adds "I even asked him about you and the whole story."
Me - hmmm... I didn't date Biodun, you know?
Her - Oh! 😲
Me - It wasn't a relationship. He lured me into sex. I could not really explain what happened and there was a lot of shame after, then fear, then anger. Great anger!
Now she is the one who is silent.
Then she asks - Can you tell me what happened?
"If you don't mind that is." She adds.
I don't mind.I sit back and flashes of the events that led up to meeting Biodun came up in my mind. It was such a rush for something I wasn't consciously thinking about.
I start from the very beginning of meeting Biodun and how the usher told me the pastor wanted to see me, few weeks into attending the church in 2009.
As I told the story, the things that hapoened, the events that led up to my deep reverence and fear for the man - it started long before I ever stepped foot in COZA.From my childhood home, I had been programmed to fear pastors and see them as gods. They were not to be messed with... And if Titus 1 : 6-9 was anything to go by, they supposedly had certain qualities
Titus 1 : 6 "An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. 7 Since an overseer manages God's household, he must be blameless-not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. 8 Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. 9 He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it."
I believed every pastor who preached on the pulpit had passed this scripture's litmus test so I was not only hurt by my mistake but confused and scared.
I asked him to step down and seek help. I too needed help and left the church to a different church.This other church is where I broke down one day during service as the preacher wouldn't keep Biodun's name out of his mouth. It was as though my sins were chasing me 😩. By the time I was done with my story, sister girl shared something with me. I learned about white magic and hypnosis.
Well, not learned but heard how some of these pastors use these techniques on unassuming girls.
She said she was no saint. She had dated 3 big pastors/bishops in this Nigeria and she enjoyed those relationships.
I smiled.I explained that I was a naive girl who grew up sheltered and knew only what my mummy told me about pastors. I also had a rich father so I never needed to date any man for anything financial as was the case with some other girls who shared their stories with Biodun with me.
By the end of the discussion, we were laughing and talking about equitorial guinea fowl and how randy some men are.
I thought that was the end until I got home.
I started thinking of some details I hadn't considered back them.
Signs I missed.Things I should have done differently.
I remembered when telling her about the hotel visit in London.
"Growing up in the 90s in Abuja, my daddy took the family to spend Christmas into New Year at Transcorp every year for about a decade. Hotels did not bring sex to my mind. It reminded me of family holiday-ing."
This was the reason I didn't suspect anything when he said to come up to that Hilton Paddington room.I smiled at younger Ese. How easily he had planned her and led her down a path.
I also felt sorry for young Ese. How confused she was, fearing that God would strike her down one day.
I wanted to hug young Ese because of how angry she became when she didn't get help.The first pastor she opened up to asked her if she seduced Biodun 🤦♀️
"Nobody will believe you."
Someone had said to me.
"You will destroy your life."
Another chirped.When I saw how crazy everything was becoming, I chose to destroy my life and share the story in a blog for all to read.
My life was destroyed indeed.
Until it started to build itself back up
Rising Phoenix style 🔥For nearly a decade I was trying to pick up the pieces, dragging others along my destructive path as I went.
Then last night, alone in my room, I had a lightbulb moment it seemed 💡
It wasn't that he did something special or weird.
It was that I was a naive girl who was in big trouble and I tired to save myself.
I have been trying to save myself all them years, forcing myself to move forward, desperate to forget.Carl Jung said, "THAT WHICH YOU MOST NEED WILL BE FOUND WHERE YOU LEAST WANT TO LOOK."
So I looked again.
I looked at the events that led me there, the friends that appeared, the ones that left, the buzz and awareness the story created despite the drags.
I sat in bed and said, "it wasn't my fault and I can choose to rewrite that story."
I can choose to release him.The beautiful lady who spoke to me had humanized Biodun in my mind.
I realized that even him, like that equitorial guinea fowl, had his own demons.
And I believed all I heard about pastors without ever checking it.While I didn't feel any illl feelings telling the story to the beautiful lady, I remembered I had joined a group to create a #survivingbiodun documentary earlier in the year.
It now seemed beneath me 👸Those documentaries hardly do anything other than short term entertainment 🙄
Did I want my name and face and brand on it?
The answer was NO! 🚫
I spoke out loud, "I release Biodun Fatoyinbo from everywhere I have held him in unforgiveness. I do it first for myself and I also do it for him."
And so it is! 👌This morning, I did an email to pull myself out of our little #survivingbiodun documentary. Thankfully no monies had exchange hands neither did I sign any contracts.
I can't explain this part with words but I felt something release. Like my shoulders literally dropped and my breath felt steady.
For a moment, a very brief moment, I was silent then sudden laughter like a hyena 🤣🤣🤣
I laughed until I coughed a little 😩🤣😂
It is TIME, I told myself ⏲️Something is happening in and to me and while I don't fully understand what that something is, I felt it had come full circle in that moment.
I open myself up to all the newness this season is bringing 🙏
This is what it means to be SAVED!Biodun Fatoyinbo, I realize now, 13 YEARS AFTER, that indeed ALL THINGS HAPPEN AS THEY SHOULD
And I am nobody's victim
Taaaaa! 🤣🤣🤣
Good night this night 😴"
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