Why is hypergamy still a thing?

Since hypergamy's been around for what feels like ever, and marriage being tied to love has only been a thing for the past 250 years or so, it's not too surprising that hypergamous relationships haven't totally died out.

"In some class systems, marriages are arranged so the woman marries into a wealthy family," explains Shamyra. India is commonly known for still practicing arranged marriages, as are China (even though they're technically outlawed), Iran, and Indonesia.

You might be surprised to learn, however, that while arranged marriages aren't as common in western society, hypergamy still very much is. In fact, there are a ton of celebrity couples out there who are hypergamous such as Donald and Melania Trump and previously Erika Jayne and Tom Girard, says Hoffman. Fictionally, characters such as Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and of course, Bridgerton's Simon and Daphne practiced hypergamy as well.

"As the cost of living continues to go up and the view of lavish lifestyles permeates social media, TV, and magazines, people will continue to strive to be upwardly-mobile," explains Damona. And one of the easiest ways to do this is by marrying into money and status, says Jeney.

"The recent discussions around hypergamy are re-birthed from current issues related to capitalism, the cost of living, and financial woes," adds Damona.

Who can be in a hypergamous relationship?

It's important to note that hypergamous relationships don't just happen in cis male/cis female partnerships. In fact, it's prevalent in almost every community.

Is hypergamy 'wrong'?

Openly hypergamous people are sometimes referred to as 'gold diggers', but Howard considers the concept of actively seeking a powerful and secure partner (whatever that might look like to you) to be relatively widespread. "There have been reports that some people desire others that are the most resourceful and powerful, those who not only possess financial clout but social clout as well," says Shamyra.

And now with social media, Shamyra argues that the idea of seeking social clout and financial stability by way of a partner is easier and more obtainable than ever. "So many people desire to be with those who are followed and desired by many, and if that person is rich, that's even better."

Nowadays, there's even a whole cottage industry of female influencers who teach their followers how to attract 'high value' men. The crux of their advice? To exhibit stereotypically feminine behaviour so as to couple up with a 'provider' man who can support you and allow you to quit your job

Whatever your thoughts on these female pick-up artists, it's worth being critical of the idea that hypergamy is innate to women - at the very least because this line comes right out of the manosphere playbook. Within incel culture, there is a belief that women will always opt for men who earn more than themselves or who are more successful and influential, an argument that is often rooted in misogynistic stereotypes and gender roles.

So, before you feel like hypergamy is a given, know that it isn't something you have to buy into. While it's not *wrong*, that doesn't necessarily mean it's right for everyone. It all comes down to doing what's right for you, ethically and emotionally.

Is hypergamy a healthy relationship style?

"Seeking a partner for the sole purpose of financial and/or social gain can become an unhealthy process that involves manipulation, deceit, and overall fulfilment," says Howard.

In addition to a potentially uneven power dynamic in a hypergamous relationship, things like a lack of intimacy or understanding could also come into play, says Jeney. Since the person practicing hypogamy (the one in the partnership who's 'marrying down') might feel like they have the ultimate control in the relationship, it can lead to an unhealthy and unequal distribution of weight in the partnership.

Shamyra says according to The Wiley Blackwell Encyclopedia of Family Studies, "Hypogamy is mostly practiced by men for the purpose of maintaining control". For these types of relationships to be successful, communication, boundaries, and clear expectations are more vital than ever to keep things healthy and respectful between the partners.

Why should we care about hypergamy?

Because it actually plays a major role in the structure of society - not only in the past, but for the future as well. While some people view hypergamy as a smart and/or necessary move, others think it could be detrimental to female empowerment. Mainly because it could convince some people that their worth is only defined by who they marry.

That said, if you come from financial insecurity, hypergamy is not only encouraged, but it can sometimes seem like the only option to reach a different economic status, explains Damona. And even if you are financially stable, a 2016 study by the University of British Columbia concluded that even though women earn more college degrees than men, they're still 93% more likely to 'marry up' financially.

Whether you're for or against the practice, hypergamous relationships aren't going anywhere any time soon. "Hypergamy is something that will always be practiced in a culture where money and power are glorified," notes Damona. "Marriage is still somewhat of an exchange of values. A hypogamous person (the one marrying 'down') may value youth or beauty over social status, while a hypergamous person (marrying 'up') might overlook other factors of relationship compatibility if someone could help them elevate their financial or social situation."

What should I consider before entering a hypergamous relationship?

If you're thinking about entering into a hypergamous or hypogamous marriage or relationship, Damona says it's essential to reflect on your priorities. "Hypergamy isn't wrong, but I think it's important for all daters to figure out what is truly important to them in a partnership, and figure out if money or power has value for them over other key qualities in their ideal mate," she explains.

"As gender roles shift and the playing field in dating becomes level, it's important to question the values of prior generations and see if common beliefs about what makes someone a 'high value' mate are the same things that mattered before."

As with most relationships, there are going to be trade-offs with a hypergamous relationship, and only you can decide what's right for you. Howard says in order to make these types of relationships work, it's best to be honest about what you're looking for. "The act of marrying someone for financial stability often works best when each person is aware and agrees on their involvement."

Whether you're after a royal or simply true love, the pros agree: the key to a solid coupling is communication.