Everything you need to know to become the best version of yourself
You may have heard someone say that they're "working on themselves," but what does this actually mean, and how do you do it? If you're interested in embarking on a journey of self-improvement, you've come to the right place! We've compiled a complete guide on how to work on yourself, including expert insights from clinical psychologist Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD. We'll also explain what it means to work on yourself and why it's so beneficial. Keep reading to get started!
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Reflect on the areas of your life you'd like to change or improve.
Develop a growth mindset, rather than a fixed mindset.
Work on self-compassion.
Read more books.
Learn new skills and hobbies.
Implement healthy habits.
Go on a social media cleanse.
Section 1 of 3:
Everyone has a few areas where they could improve or push themselves to be better, and identifying these potential growth areas is the first step for self-improvement . Reflect on the things in your life that might be keeping you stuck, so that you can set goals to improve or address them. [1]
These might be blind spots, so take your time to reflect and identify any negative habits that you might not notice at first.[2] You may find it helpful to write your thoughts down in a journal while you do this.
Maybe you want to take your physical health more seriously. Or, you might be feeling stagnant in your career, or distant from the people you love. Whatever it is that's keeping you stuck, identifying it is the first step to tackling it!
As you embark on your self-improvement journey, you'll be trying new things, building new habits, and stepping out of your comfort zone. When you do these things, you're bound to stumble a few times, and that's completely normal-growth isn't linear. [3] In order to keep a productive, upbeat attitude throughout this process, it's important to cultivate a growth mindset , rather than a fixed mindset. [4]
If you have a fixed mindset, you believe that you were born with a certain set of skills and abilities that you can't change. This mindset can be limiting because it leaves you very little room for growth or improvement.
If you have a growth mindset, you believe that your skills and abilities are always evolving, and that you have the potential to change and improve.
A growth mindset allows you to see mistakes and setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow, which makes it a much more productive attitude if you're embarking on a self-improvement journey.[5]
A positive mindset is hugely beneficial for your physical and mental health, which makes it a great thing to focus on if you're working on yourself. In fact, positive thinking has been linked to lower levels of stress and depression, lower levels of physical pain, better cardiovascular health, and increased lifespan. [6] With benefits like these, the importance of a positive mindset is clear! Here are some tips for developing one:
Dr. Mesrobian recommends reframing negative thoughts. Reframing involves shifting your perspective to focus on the positive in any given situation, rather than dwelling on the negative.
For example, if you've made a mistake at work, your first instinct might be to think, "I'm so stupid! I completely messed everything up, and now my boss is going to think I'm incompetent."
To reframe this negative thought, tell yourself, "Mistakes are normal, and this one misstep doesn't determine my value as an employee. It's also an opportunity to learn and be better next time."[7]
Dr. Mesrobian recommends showing yourself compassion when you're feeling down, rather than trying to force yourself to snap out of it. Self-compassion essentially means treating yourself the way you'd treat someone you love, and giving yourself grace in tough moments. It can improve your mental health, help you build emotional resilience, and even make you more likely to be compassionate to others, which makes it a great thing to try if you want to work on yourself. [8]
When you notice that you're being super critical of yourself, pause and recite some positive affirmations, instead.
For example, you could say "I'm worthy and capable," "I'm deserving of kindness and love," or "I'm doing the best I can, and that's enough."
It may feel silly at first, but positive affirmations are seriously powerful. In studies, self-affirmation was shown to boost academic grade-point averages for underperforming students in just one semester, which suggests that it has a tangible effect.[9]
Since self-compassion makes you more tolerant toward others, it can also improve your relationships.[10] For example, if you have a significant other, you may find that you're naturally more patient and empathetic toward them once you've started to be kinder to yourself.
Practicing gratitude is a tried and true way to improve your life. In fact, research shows that it can reduce levels of anxiety and depression, boost self-esteem and focus, relieve stress, support heart health, and improve sleep. [11] To experience these mental and physical benefits, try incorporating an intentional gratitude practice into your schedule.
This could be writing in a gratitude journal a few times per week, making a quick list of things you're grateful for each night before bed, or writing notes of appreciation to loved ones you're thankful for on a regular basis.[12]
If you're in a relationship, it could be especially beneficial to write gratitude notes for your partner. In fact, research has shown that thanking your partner for being responsive to your needs can cause them to have a more positive view of your relationship.[13]
If you're on a self-improvement journey, reading more books is one of the best things you can do. First of all, reading exercises your brain, teaches you new things, and opens your mind up to new ideas. Beyond this, research also shows that reading can help lower your chances of developing Alzheimer's or dementia, improve sleep quality, reduce stress, and improve focus and concentration. [14]
One study even found that being mentally transported into fictional narratives while reading led to increased levels of empathy over time.[15]
In other words, reading fiction and immersing yourself in characters' experiences can make you a more empathetic person in general. This is a pretty cool and enjoyable way to work on yourself!
Trying new things is essential when you're on a self-improvement journey. You'll broaden your horizons and gain new abilities, while also proving to yourself that you're capable of change and growth. This is all super rewarding! [16] Learning new skills has also been linked to improved brain function and decreased risk of dementia. [17] Here are some suggestions of things to try:
Learn a new language. This is a great way to exercise your brain, and after you've gained some proficiency, you can plan a trip to another country to show off your skills!
Take up a new sport or try out a new exercise class. You'll boost your endorphins and maintain your cardiovascular health while getting out of your comfort zone.
Explore a new artistic hobby. You can learn to play an instrument, start knitting or crocheting, take a sketching or painting class, the options are endless!
If you're in a relationship, switch things up and try a new activity on a date. This way, you'll expand your horizons while spending quality time together! Try taking a cooking class, going to a salsa dancing lesson, or attending a paint and sip event.
When you feel good physically, you're more likely to perform well in all the other areas of your life, so it's incredibly important to build healthy habits into your routine. Exercising on a regular basis, getting good quality sleep, and eating a balanced diet are all key ingredients for a healthy lifestyle .
If you're looking to increase your physical activity as part of your self-improvement journey, try setting a goal of getting at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise per day or 150 minutes per week.[18]
If you want to work on eating a more balanced diet, try to incorporate more fresh fruits and veggies, whole grains, and lean proteins into your meals, while cutting back on processed foods, saturated fats, sugar, and alcohol.[19]
To improve sleep quality, try to follow a regular sleep routine. It also helps to make sure your room is dark, quiet, and cool, and to avoid devices that emit blue light (like your phone) before bed.[20]
Mindfulness involves maintaining awareness of your surroundings, sensations, thoughts, and emotions on a moment-by-moment basis, without any judgment. [21] It's associated with tons of physical and mental benefits, including reduced anxiety and depression, lower blood pressure, and improved sleep quality. [22] Here's how to do mindful meditation :
Pick a location that's quiet, peaceful, and distraction-free. It can be somewhere inside your home, or outside in your backyard or at a park.
Once you've chosen a spot, sit or lie down in a comfortable position.
Start by taking slow, deep breaths. As you do this, try to focus only on the sensation of breathing, emptying your mind of all other thoughts.
If your attention starts to wander, gently bring your focus back to the sensation of breathing in and out.
Continue doing this for about 5 minutes. You can set a timer on your phone before starting, but make sure to pick a gentle alarm sound, so that it's not too jarring when it goes off.[23]
Social media can be a great way to stay connected to friends and family, but it can have some negative effects when overused. These include increased anxiety, depression, sadness, dissatisfaction, and loneliness. [24] If you're trying to work on yourself and you've noticed a few of these negative symptoms in relation to your social media use, it might be time to do a detox .
You can do the most extreme version of this and delete your social media apps from your phone for a period of time, or you can set daily time limits for how long to spend on social media if you're just looking to cut back.
You may be surprised by how much better you feel, and how much more time you have to engage in other hobbies or connect with loved ones!
If you're embarking on a self-improvement journey, you may think that you need to have a go-go-go mindset. Being productive is definitely a good thing, but it's equally important to make sure that you're getting adequate rest and relaxation. When you overwork yourself, you run the risk of burning out , but when you get enough rest, you perform at a higher level and feel better in general. [25]
Incorporate relaxing activities into your routine to help you unwind. Things like reading, crocheting, spending time out in nature, and journaling are all great options.
Section 2 of 3:
It involves things like restructuring your routine, implementing new habits, developing new mindsets, and learning new skills in order to create positive change. This process can take time, but it can also be incredibly rewarding.[26]
Section 3 of 3:
A self-improvement journey pushes you to learn new things, broaden your skill set, and cultivate a more upbeat attitude, all of which are beneficial to your professional performance. After working on yourself, you may even find that you have increased motivation and leadership qualities, which could drive you to seek out promotions or embark on new career paths.[27]
Many of the things people do when they're "working on themselves," including cutting back on unhealthy habits, learning new things, and cultivating a growth mindset, have positive effects on mood and reduce stress or anxiety. As a result, you may find that you feel better mentally once you've started your self-improvement journey.[28]
Aspects of a self-improvement journey such as developing self-compassion and practicing gratitude can have positive effects on your relationships. [29] They can make your feel more empathetic toward and grateful for the people in your life, which can lead to an even better connection with them.
Working on yourself is also a form of self-love, which is especially powerful if you're in a romantic relationship. When you love yourself and treat yourself well, you're better able to do these things for a partner.
You'll also be more self-sufficient and independent, which can lead to healthier, more realistic expectations of your partner. You won't rely on them too heavily for excessive validation or support, since you'll be stronger and more stable emotionally.[30]
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