No gree for anybody on this list of people you must fight in 2024

"No gree for anybody" is the official anthem of 2024 for Nigerians.

2023 is gone, and the 2024 energy got us feeling bold to "no gree for anybody" in pursuit of having the best year ever.

While we always preach peace and love, sometimes, a metaphorical (and definitely non-violent) fight just scratches that itch.

Here's our list of five kinds of people you might want to fight in 2024 (if the stars aligned just right, of course).

People who jump the queue

Patience? What patience? These queue-jumping champions believe their time is more precious than diamonds and your time is as worthless as stale akara. They elbow their way in, flash a fake smile, and suddenly they're at the front, leaving you fuming like a pot of overheated egusi. It's time to summon your inner warrior princess, unleashing a stare so sharp it could cut through diamonds.

Vendors who ask for your first born as payment

You walk into the market, all set to buy some fresh tomatoes, when you're met with a smile that could melt glaciers and a price tag that would make Elon Musk blush. "₦1,000 for one tomato?" you gasp. "My friend, wetin dey do you?" she replies, eyes twinkling like a mischievous imp. It's time to unleash your inner negotiator, haggling like a seasoned pro and walking away with your tomatoes and your dignity intact.

Drivers who horn too much

Weaving through traffic like a possessed millipede, this champion of chaos thinks red lights are merely suggestions and zebra crossings are personal playgrounds. He horns at you like a lovesick goat, inches from your bumper, and curses like a sailor on shore leave. Channel your inner Bruce Lee and unleash a verbal kung fu attack, leaving him speechless (and maybe a bit bruised from the imaginary punches).

Your landlord who only cares about rent

Rent due? Forget it. This landlord's got amnesia faster than a politician after an election. Every year is a negotiation marathon, with them acting like you're asking for their kidney when you simply request a functioning tap. Now's the time to dust off your lawyer's hat and unleash a barrage of tenant rights so fierce, it leaves them wondering if they even own the building anymore.

Internet trolls who think they're special

You post an innocent meme on Facebook, and suddenly, you're drowning in a sea of hate comments and emojis. This keyboard warrior, armed with bad grammar and worse jokes, thinks the internet is their personal playground for negativity. It's time to unleash your inner Shakespeare, crafting a witty rebuttal that leaves them speechless and their keyboard gathering dust.

Remember, folks, this is just a playful exercise in imagining the crazy characters that might make you want to throw a metaphorical punch or two.

In reality, violence is never the answer, and even the most frustrating situations can be resolved with a cool head and a good dose of humour. So keep your fists clenched (metaphorically, of course), and let's make 2024 a year of laughter, understanding, and maybe just a few well-placed verbal jabs.