Thinking of dating a church member? Here are 5 things to consider

If you are a consistent churchgoer, then there's a likelihood that you are going to find someone you admire in church that you'd like to date.

Should you or should you not date a church member?

It's also possible that you would prefer to marry a church member because of shared ideology and how that would make your life easier, but before you jump into marriage, there is the dating phase where things can go awfully wrong. For instance:

1. You find out they act overly religiously and can't let go to have fun

Imagine that in private quarters, your boyfriend or girlfriend is still speaking spiritual lingo. You complain about how you had a bad day, and they are quoting scriptures about gratitude and the power of the tongue. You want to gist, but they want to do Bible study and prayer. All the cute things you imagined relationships to be have evaporated, and you are in church 24/7.

2. You might fornicate and start feeling guilty

Yes, your hormones can come into play, and before you know it, you have 'fallen' into sin. Every time you engage in intercourse, you repent, only to do it again. The circle of guilt gnaws at you when you are lifting holy hands in church and can cause you to feel so disconnected that you stop going to church.

3. You have a bad breakup and have to see them every service day

When a relationship ends badly, the best way to move forward is to delete traces of your ex from your life, but if you date a church member, you have to see them every service day, and the same feeling of anger, disappointment, or betrayal will rise whenever your eyes meet theirs, making the encounter very uncomfortable.

4. Seeing them move on with someone else

You are forced to witness your former partner move on and be happy for them in high definition. It gets even more strange when they get married and you are still a single pringle.

5. They are manipulative and have terrible character

One unfortunate habit of overly religious people is that they think they are always right and try to enforce their morality on others. This habit can be overbearing in relationships if they never accept they are wrong and are always pointing fingers at you. It's worse when you realise they are rude, untrustworthy, mismanage their finances, or are dirty and disorganised.

What if you like someone in your church?

Dating is messy, and even in churches, it can get messy. That's why you need to be extra careful about it.

One of the ways is by being transparent and having a senior member of the church 'supervise' the relationship and hold you both accountable, but that itself can be so invasive and stressful.

Another way to go about it is to 'just be friends' so you have the opportunity to observe the person properly before investing emotions. When you see that you actually like who they are outside the church, don't date for a long time if you can help it. Take each other off the market.