A piece of dating advice that has gained popularity on TikTok is the statement, "If he wanted to, he would." Although these saying lacks nuance, it holds some truth and applies to both men and women. It's important to recognize that there may be times when your partner is going through something and pulls away, in which case having an honest conversation is better than giving them the cold shoulder. However, if they consistently fail to match your energy and show up for you, it's time to reconsider the relationship. Here are eight signs that indicate you're not a priority in someone's life and why it may be time to move on.
1. They don't make time for you:
When someone prioritizes you in their life, you never have to wonder if they think about you because they make it known. One of the best aspects of my ex-boyfriend was his consistent communication with me. If he had a busy day at work, he would inform me in the morning and let me know he wouldn't be available for a few hours. If he couldn't see me on a weekend, he would explain the reasons why. I never had to worry about being ghosted or ignored. Moreover, if someone genuinely cares about you, they will find the time to see you even for a few minutes during a packed day. If they don't, it's a clear indication that you're not as significant to them as you would like to be.
2. You only see them on their schedule:
Think about how often you and your partner spend time together. If it's solely on their terms, it's unlikely they see you as a priority. Some signs to watch out for include them consistently choosing other activities over spending time with you, cancelling plans last minute for something they find more appealing, making last-minute plans and expecting you to be available, showing little interest in your schedule and commitments, and their effort to engage with you fluctuating between being attentive and disengaged. If your relationship is one-sided and they prioritize their wants over yours, it's time to consider moving on.
3. They don't consider you when making decisions:
In a healthy relationship, it's crucial for partners to consider each other when making decisions. It demonstrates mutual respect, fosters emotional intimacy, and ensures that both individuals have an equal say. If your significant other frequently makes decisions without seeking your input, it suggests that they don't value your opinion and don't see you as an integral part of their life. This goes beyond decisions about what to wear or have for breakfast and includes choices that affect both of you, such as how they spend their time, pursuing life-changing goals, attending social engagements as a couple, and so on. Not being taken into consideration can make you feel insignificant, indicating that you don't matter to them as much as you should be satisfied with.
4. They don't take initiative in the relationship:
If your partner isn't enthusiastic about moving the relationship forward, they may not be the right person for you. In a Love & Intimacy Masterclass taught by renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, he emphasizes how expectations impact your love life. Initially, when you started dating your partner, you may have envisioned a future together, maybe even marriage and a beautiful life. However, as time passes, you begin to realize that those dreams were projections onto them, and their goals don't align with yours. Yet, you hold on, hoping that they will change their perspective and want you wholeheartedly. In doing so, you neglect to give yourself the love and attention you deserve. Someone who is genuinely interested in sharing their future with you will take the necessary steps to make it a reality, such as discussing exclusivity, moving in together, or meeting each other's parents. If they fail to push the relationship forward, it's an indication that they don't prioritize you. It's important to consider whether they will ever change their mind.
5. Their actions don't align with their words:
Promises mean nothing if they are not supported by actions. I once dated someone who loved talking about our future together - where we would live, what we would do, and the adventures we would have. However, when it came to making concrete plans for our future, he would change the subject or avoid it altogether. I soon realized that this fantasy of ours would never come true because he wasn't committed to putting in the necessary effort. If your partner fails to follow through on promises, doesn't show up when they say they will, doesn't take responsibility for their mistakes, or becomes defensive and evasive when confronted, their actions are inconsistent with their words. Regardless of their explanations or assurances, it's clear that you're not their priority, and it may be time to move on.
6. They dismiss your concerns:
In a healthy relationship, both partners work together to resolve conflicts. If your partner dismisses your concerns every time you bring them up, it's a sign that they don't see the relationship as meaningful enough to address serious issues. Additionally, by downplaying your concerns, your partner invalidates your feelings, making you feel unheard and unimportant. This behavior is a form of emotional neglect, and phrases like "You're overreacting," "It's not a big deal," or "We're fine, don't worry" should not be tolerated.
7. They don't introduce you to their inner circle:
Introducing your partner to your close friends and family is a significant step in integrating them into your life and publicly acknowledging the relationship. If your partner is hesitant to do so, it could indicate that they want to keep the relationship separate from their other connections, suggesting that you may not be a priority in their life. It's important to distinguish caution from secrecy. While some people prefer to wait before introducing their partner to family members, they should still acknowledge their existence and not shy away from mentioning their name in discussions. If your partner never invites you to hang out with their friends, avoids posting about you on social media, and shows no interest in the possibility of meeting their family, it's a red flag.
8. They're unwilling to compromise:
In any relationship, each person has individual wants and preferences that may not always align. When conflicts arise, the ability to compromise allows you to find common ground and come up with a solution that satisfies both partners. However, if one person consistently refuses to compromise, it creates an imbalance of power, indicating a lack of consideration for the other person's feelings. Your needs are just as important as your partner's, and it's essential not to lose sight of that fact.
Being with someone who doesn't prioritize you can harm your self-esteem and make you question your worth. It's crucial to leave such a person behind and find someone who truly understands and appreciates how amazing you are. Consider exploring Rudá Iandê's Love & Intimacy Masterclass to help your next relationship thrive and empower yourself in the process.
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